Waiting on The Lord

Two weeks ago, Denise was involved in a special ceremony to honor the young ladies (including Kayla) who have graduated from High School and are moving on to the next chapter of their lives; adulthood. She agonized about what to share but finally it was suggested to her to speak on waiting on The Lord in light of Crosby's adoption and first birthday. This is a message that I especially need to hear and am thankful for the wisdom of my wife and her willingness to share it. This is what she shared...

Thank you for your willingness to be here and receive our encouragement. It is a privilege to share with you one area in my life in which The Lord has worked and moved. I would like to encourage you in waiting on The Lord. You all at one point in your lives,  if you aren't already,  will have to wait on The Lord. It may be for a husband or children or any number of things. The following passage became very familiar to me during a long period of waiting.

Psalm 40:1-5
1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie!
5 You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

 I waited on The Lord for another baby for more than 6 years. While the waiting was difficult and included many moments of doubt,  much confession of sin, heartbreaking loss, many tears and disappointments I wouldn't change one thing about that time in my life. I believe The Lord did one of His greatest works in my heart over those years and I  probably still don't fully understand all that he accomplished.  There really isn't a better place to be than to be waiting on The Lord. God is ultimately drawing you to Himself. He will show you that He is God, that He is good and that He is sovereign. I promise you his timing and wisdom are absolutely perfect. You may find yourself questioning these truths, like I did when in the midst of wanting a baby so desperately found myself in the middle of a baby boom in our church and suffered a very disappointing miscarriage during this same time.  Please be encouraged and know that what God keeps from you is just as much a gift as what He chooses to give you.  When God has you wait and He will , wait faithfully and trust that God does not withhold good from us and our ultimate good is Himself.

Psalm 84:11-1211 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
12 O LORD of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Even when you may question God's wisdom, as I did when we were to bring a baby girl home last May and she went into foster care instead, I would encourage you to look to the cross and the story of your own redemption  because as the scriptures say it is foolishness to the world but it is a complete picture of God's perfect wisdom and goodness to those of us who believe.  As wonderful a gift and blessing that Crosby is, He is not the fulfillment of my period of waiting, it is in fact, Christ himself. During that time God, strengthened my faith, revealed to me the value of his timing and providence and Christ became all the more precious. It was the following verses that came to mind when I   first held Crosby and looked into his little face.

20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,
21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen   These verses never rang truer than on that day. When you wait, wait faithfully, look to scripture, cling to hope in Christ and surround yourself with those who will encourage you to do these things.

Me being able to share my experience and heart  with you tonight is just another sweet blessing resulting from my time of waiting on The Lord, thank you. 

The Significance of the Moment

 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:14-21 ESV)

There are times in our lives we must stop and appreciate the significance of a moment. A significance that can be lost in the routine of everyday life. As human beings, our hearts long for what is just beyond our reach or what lays beyond the distant horizon. In looking ahead we fail to appreciate the value of what our hands presently grasp and the beauty our eyes currently behold. One year ago today a little boy was born in Canton, OH. A little boy whose life has instantly infused a miraculous love and unspeakable joy into a family desperately needing it. It is still almost unbelievable that this little boy is my son. Despite how exhausting the adoption process was, I cannot imagine not having the pleasure of enduring it. A process that was filled with disappointment, hope, heartbreak, determination, and joy. It was like yesterday that I was sitting in a corner booth at Chik-fil-a with Shane Waters who told me, "If money is the only reason for not adopting than it is not a reason." I will never forget my mother-in-law Bonnie Godbold's excitement at the news and her encouragement that any child of any color would be blessed to be apart of our family because, "in a Christian home that doesn't matter." The sweet words of encouragement that our social worker, Amber Marshall, when another adoption disappointment broke our hearts is still a balm to our soul. I am humbled that Matt Russell would think of our family when he found out that a baby needed to be adopted.  I still recollect holding my breath with every incoming text from Michele McKee giving me updates from our birth mother.  I am humbled by friends like Scott & Sarah Brown and Shane & Ashlie Waters who sat in our dining room strategizing how we could ever raise $17,000 in less than 45 days. I am still humbled by the outpouring of love we received  from our family and friends as we overwhelmed the Roosevelt Chik-fil-a on a hot August night to raise adoption funds. We were not worthy of the generosity of people who donated their creativity, time, love, and money to bring Crosby home. I would be remiss if I did not mention our indebtedness to the Ingram family who shared their sweet home with us while we were refugees in Ohio. No words can express what gratitude we have for Denise's Dad who embraced and supported our dream of adoption. We know that it is bittersweet for him especially because of how much Mom would have loved Crosby. Though she is not here in body we know that her spirit dwells in our love for Crosby and the stories we tell him of his Nana's life and love. It was also through this process that I gained a new appreciation for my own adoption and what my parents endured in order to give me a home.

They are so many people to thank...the Frasers, Moores, Roberts, Julie Paisley, and so many more. However, the person I must give the most thanks is to my sweet wife Denise. It was not always her dream to adopt. The uncertainties of the adoption journey brought her many sleepless nights and feelings of inadequacies of what the future held. Thank you for following me and most ultimately trusting the Lord. I never doubted that you were strong enough and I know that you are just the mother Crosby needs.

There are two times in my life that I have seen you glow with such a radiance; the day we promised our lives to each other and the first time you held Crosby. Thank you for joining me in this journey. We have just begun to see what the Lord has in store for Crosby and our family as a whole. There will be times when the days are long, the diapers stinky, and the fussing unbearable. It is in these times we will yearn to fast forward to the next stage of development. However, it is these times that we must stop and remember what has brought us here. To appreciate the significance of the moment. Countless people who have given of themselves so that we could enjoy celebrations like today. Birthdays where we can hold our chubby baby boy in our arms or plaster his picture throughout various social media are to be cherished and celebrated. 

I always had the conviction that we would adopt. Admittedly, there were times when I had serious doubts. However, I could never have scripted how God would lead us to a birth mother in Ohio, raise $30,000 in funds in 9 days, find a free home to live in for two weeks, and bring us home to Florida safely. I pray that I stop and recognize the significant of the moment with every birthday party, first day of school, and milestone while giving glory to our Heavenly Father who worked it all for his glory. 

Finally, the chief significance of this moment is found within Ephesians 3:14-21. It is with the saints that we comprehend the breadth, length, height, and depth of Christ's love through the adoption of Crosby. He is a living memorial to the love that God has for His children. My heart also resonates with verse 20, "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." I could never fathom how God worked to bring about his glory and I am continually awed by how he did.  

Placing a Child for Adoption

What a profound picture of a birth mother's love seeing the work of God in her adoption, "God was using me to find his family not me choose his family. My baby's family shared him with me, not me sharing him with them." (7:30)

Denise and I love this video because it shows how blessed we were to have a birth mother like Charity. One quote I love from this video is her emphasis that the monthly disappointments and the long wait for choosing a birth mother was because God was waiting to bless the birth mother with the child. She needed their baby to be born to her to help save her from the challenges that she had been facing. Adoption is a wonderful gift for both the birth mother and adoption parents. However, it is often a blessing that is accompanied with tears.

Finalization is complete.

We had a wonderful day! To God be the glory great things He has done.

Ephesians 1:3-6: Predestined for Adoption

Over the past month I have been given the privilege of preaching through the doctrine of biblical adoption. This doctrine is very dear to my heart but also a fundamental doctrine of the Christian faith. So much so that John Stott calls it the "highest blessing of the Christian faith". He says, "If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God’s child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and his whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all. Our understanding of Christianity cannot be better than our grasp of adoption." (Knowing God p. 201)

Sermon Link: Ephesians 1:3-6

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved."

Charity's Love

It has been nearly five months since Denise and I took the long awaited journey to Ohio to be introduced to our son Crosby. When we started our journey two years ago every day that passed without a baby seemed like an eternity. We would watch every month for an update concerning potential birth mothers and would calculate the approximate time that the birth mother may be choosing a family. For twelve long months our profile was passed over or would fall to second place behind the birth mother's perfect family. The time between each new birth mother seemed longer and longer and the birth mothers seemed fewer and fewer. Yet one day a simple phone call kick started our life into motion. It sent the agony of slow motion into the blur of fast forward. Weeks went by like hours and the months like days. Our tiny sleepy 6 pound infant boy has transformed into a plump 16 pound smiling baby boy. The family has settled into the comfort of a schedule and the security of a routine. However, it is so easy to allow the ordinary routine of life to cause us to forget the extraordinary things that God has ordained. This could not have been more evident to me than it has this past week. On August 21st, Denise and I were 50 miles outside of Canton when I received a phone call from a dear college friend. He was calling us to inquire if we would know of a Christian family who would be able to adopt a baby who was scheduled to be born later that day. Unable to convince Denise that we in fact should adopt the baby, I called a member of our congregation who was struggling with infertility. The call was guided by the hand of Providence because he informed me that just the prior days he and his wife had decided to fore go fertility treatments and adopt. Over the course of the next few days they scrambled to prepare for this child but this was not to be their child. However, today they are but a few hours away from adopting a child of their own. Denise and I have had the privileged to walk with them through the journey of adoption. Each adoption case is unique and they have had their fair share of trials and tribulations. However, as I have spoke with them I have been struck with how blessed Denise and I were to be directed to our birth mother, Charity. Every birth mother is different. Some have motivations of love for their child while others have much less virtuous intentions for choosing adoption. Some struggle with whether or not they will be able to go through with their plan while others hold unwavering to their conviction that adoption is the only option. With all the birth mothers that we could have had we were blessed with Charity, a sweet, sensible, and selfless birth mother.  I have often attempted to consider the depth of faith that it took Charity to trust her baby to our family. I know that I would never be courageousness enough to admit that I could not care for the child and place him up for adoption. As I have considered her strength, I was reminded of the great love chapter of 1 Corinthians 13. It is in the KJV that declares that if I"...have not charity, I am nothing." In this act of finding a home for Crosby she was personifying what true love is. Paul teaches in 13:7 "[Charity] Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." In choosing adoption for Crosby she was bearing the burden of a broken heart, believing that Denise and I would love him as our own (as she would love him). She had the confidence assurance of hope that he was being cared for by parents who love him and love each other. Charity endured all the difficult things of pregnancy and delivery, the scorn of judgment, insensitive questions, and the unimaginable pain of saying goodbye to her baby in order to give him life . That is pure love. She did not receive accolades or financial gain.  She made hard sacrifices of time, energy, and emotions. All so that her baby could have a mother and father to love him the way she was unable to love him. She was unable to give him the life that she felt he deserved but she was able to give him the love that he deserved. The love of an adopted mother and father made possible by the love of a birth mother. She personified self sacrificial love so her baby could experience the life that she envisioned for him. I will never know the depth of love that it took for her to find Denise and me but I am indebted to her forever. Every time I hold him in my arms it is because she is not holding him. Crosby will grow up in my home, eat at my table, and run around our back yard because she did not bring him to her own home. That is sacrifice. That is selflessness. That is love. That is amazing! Charity holds a special place in our family. Though we only spent a few hours together over the course of three days I feel like she is apart of me. I am reminded of the love she gave when I see the slight red hue of Crosby's fuzzy hair that matches her own auburn hair. He will forever have gentle reminders of the love that our family was given by her sacrificial love. Most of all, I will praise my Lord and Saviour for sovereignly putting all the puzzle pieces together even when the journey was a difficult one. It was our loving Heavenly Father who was working to find us the right birth mother and to bring us the reward of a perfect baby boy. I am every grateful that He did. To God alone be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Happy National Adoption Day!

Where it all began...

This past weekend my father drove me, Anna, and Andrew to pick up my grandmother for dinner. As he drive through the winding New England roads he nonchalantly gained the kids attention and said, "Look kids! That is the place where we met your Daddy for the first time." It was so profound yet so common. The weathered buildings stand as a silent witness to the miracle of my adoption into the Partyka family and ultimately into the household of faith.

The Village for Families & Children

My story began on September 22, 1977 when a little boy was born to a young unmarried woman. The result of a fleeting relationship, he was rejected by his father and forfeited by his mother. Immediately he became a ward of the state living in the care of foster parents who were not his own. His future was filled with uncertainty and danger, for this world is a dark and dangerous place without the love and protection of a father and mother. However, he was not forgotten. During the spring of 1977, James and Lucy Partyka struggled with the hopelessness of another year without a child of their own. The devastation of multiple miscarriages had left their hearts weary and their loving arms empty. They had no child of their own to snuggle with, read fairy tales to, or push on the swings. Their house was not a home without a child to share it with. Everything changed with a phone call from Catholic Family Services who informed them that they had a little boy named, “Christian”. The overjoyed couple raced to the office (see picture) where the little boy sat in a small room eating a box of Ritz crackers. The nervous couple slowly entered the room to meet their prospective son. When the little boy took notice of the couple he opened his arms to be picked up by his new Daddy. Without hesitation, they chose to call this little boy their own son. On November 10, 1978 I was declared a Partyka by the State of Connecticut. My parents triumphantly brought to me to their home to meet my grandparents, my uncle, and my new puppy. I slept in their beds on scary nights, ate my mother’s delicious food, and waived to my father from the little league diamond. I listened as they read scripture after dinner, prayed before bedtime, and worshipped with them at church. I picked up their mannerisms, speech habits, and way of thinking. I am loved because they chose to love me. I was born a stranger but now I am their son because they chose to be my parents. I am a Partyka because they chose to give me their name.

Thirty four years later I hold my own son of adoption, Crosby James. United together not by blood or history but by a love that chose to give of oneself. He did not chose me as his father but I chose to love him as my son. He is a constant reminder of the day on a hillside in Connecticut where my earthly father chose to give me his name and his unconditional love. Ultimately, Crosby is a testament to the love of a Heavenly Father who declared me his own on a hillside in Jerusalem some two millennia ago.

"In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." Ephesians 1:5-6

A Humble Thank You

How do you say thank you for a gift whose significance far surpasses every gift that you have and ever will receive? It is simply not possible to put into words. One year ago we started on this adoption journey with the desire of expanding our family through adoption. Over the course of the past months we have done so much more. We have felt the love and support of a community who has encouraged us, prayed for us, and rejoiced with us. Our eyes have been opened to the importance of adoption in our world and the significance of adoption to the family of God. Most of all we have marveled at the power of the Lord as we watched His hand move mountains bringing Crosby into our family. All praise be to God our Heavenly Father! As we have watched the Lord work we cannot help but recognize the individual parts he has used to accomplish his will. Thank you. Thank you for your willingness and generosity in bringing Crosby into our family. You played a vital role in making this happen and for that we say thank you. 

~ Chris, Denise, Anna, Andrew, & Crosby

Haggai, Adoption, and the Glory of the Lord

The Prophet Haggai

"Yet now be strong, O Zerubbabel, declares the LORD. Be strong, O Joshua, son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land, declares the LORD. Work, for I am with you, declares the LORD of hosts, according to the covenant that I made with you when you came out of Egypt. My Spirit remains in your midst. Fear not. For thus says the LORD of hosts: Yet once more, in a little while, I will shake the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry land. And I will shake all nations, so that the treasures of all nations shall come in, and I will fill this house with glory, says the LORD of hosts. The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the LORD of hosts. The latter glory of this house shall be greater than the former, says the LORD of hosts. And in this place I will give peace, declares the LORD of hosts."(Haggai 2:4-9 ESV)

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What do an obscure Hebrew prophet and adoption have in common? Not much. That is what I would have said just a few short weeks ago. However, this past Sunday one of our elders, Ken Fraser, preached on Haggai 2:1-9. As I read through the struggle of the post-exilic Jews picking up the pieces of what once was King Solomon’s Temple, I saw more and more of our struggle with infertility and adoption. The people of Jerusalem returned to an desolate Judah and after nearly twenty nears they finally began the arduous task of rebuilding the temple. Solomon's temple which once stood as a mighty edifice for the worship of the one true God now lay in ruins. As the foundation was being re-laid the elders of the community wept because they realized the new temple was but a shadow of its former glory (Ez 3:12). They wept because they felt the bitterness of  disappointment, the consequence of waywardness, and the futility of their efforts. It is here that the struggle of these ancient people resonates with our struggle with infertility and adoption. I have so desperately wanted to expand our family but month after month and year after year we were unsuccessful. I felt the heavy weight of discouragement when I realized the daunting cost of adoption. Just as the people of Judah wept knowing that their effort at building the temple fell desperately short, I have felt my own futility at raising the money to bring this baby home. As I sat looking over agency charges, lawyer fees, and travel costs I felt the burden grow heavier and heavier. I remember sitting in my car watching the fees from the agencies pile up thinking, "This can't be done." It was even worse when Grace (our birth mother's friend) called me to let me know that Charity is going to the hospital because she "doesn't feel right". My heart was heavy knowing that if she had the baby now we had no money to pay the agency and the baby would go to another family. It was here that the words that Haggai spoke to the downtrodden Hebrews spoke to my heart, "Yet now be strong....work...Fear  not" (vs.4). The faithful response to struggle and discouragement is not sorrow and self pity. Feeling sorry for myself and my plight is not congruent with a person who knows God.  It is my duty to be strong and to work. However, the ability to work in light of daunting tasks is not a credit to my own strength but because of the Lord who blesses my work. Haggai continues, "Work, for I am with you, declares the LORD of hosts, according to the covenant that I made with you when you came out of Egypt" (vs. 4-5). The reason that the people could continue to build the walls of the temple was not their own strength, leadership, or ability but because of the nature of their God. We can work because God is strong. We can continue because God is able to provide. We can lay our head down in rest because God is rich in bounty. He has promised that he would provide for His people. Likewise, I can seek the end adoption knowing that God will provide the means. I can ready our home for a baby knowing that God is able to provide funding. The question remains is how. How can I say that God will bless our endeavor of adoption? My conviction is this. If God chooses to glorify Himself through adoption there is no force on earth that is able to bind His purpose. Just as God declared to Haggai, "Fear not. For thus says the LORD of hosts: Yet once more, in a little while, I will shake the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry land. And I will shake all nations, so that the treasures of all nations shall come in, and I will fill this house with glory, says the LORD of hosts." God is able to shake the heavens and earth so that they move for His purpose. The obstacles that seems impossible to traverse are easily shaken for the Glory of God. The fortresses of doubt that forbids us to pass are reduced to rubble at the will of the Lord. As Christians, we believe that the glory of the Lord that would fill the Temple was not only seen in the completion of the temple in Haggai's day but in the person of Jesus Christ. Hebrews 1:3 declares, "He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power." The building of the temple was a foreshadowing of the glory that would be seen in the "temple" of Jesus Christ (John 2:20). We are not seeking adoption and parenthood only as a way to fulfill a need within ourselves but because we know that by pursuing God's glory in adoption we will find satisfaction. When we seek to glorify Christ in adoption we can rest in the promise of peace, no matter the outcome. "The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the LORD of hosts. The latter glory of this house shall be greater than the former, says the LORD of hosts. And in this place I will give peace, declares the LORD of hosts.’” I can rest in the promise of peace knowing that if I seek the glory of God in adoption, my vocation, and my family I will taste satisfaction. Any pursuit that is done in my own strength will ultimately leave me wanting and weeping but work done in the strength of the Lord for His glory will satisfy.  I believe that my heart is pure and my motives are to glorify God through adoption. Ultimately, my prayer is that the glory of the Lord will fill our home and Jesus Christ be glorified above all things. Please pray that in the coming weeks the tears that we once cried will be turned to shouts of joy and our weeping turned into dancing (Psalm 30:11). May the glory of God shake the heavens and fill our home with the glory of God to the praise of Jesus Christ alone.

Postscript:
Haggai 2:1-9 has been the prayer of my heart this past week as we have been in the process of filling out adoption loan applications, planning fund raisers, and blogging our journey. I have been over whelmed by the fact that so many people have responded with prayer, love, and encouragement. The heavens have begun to shake for the glory of God! We have found a family in our birth mother's city to host us our time in Ohio and have been overwhelmed by all the people who have stepped up to organize fund raisers on our behalf. On Thursday I received a phone call from a friend who read the blog and has blessed us with a fund raising challenge for the adoption. My friend will match all donations up to $8,000 towards the adoption! What a challenge! We received cards and letters from people who though we have never met but have given generously because of their heart for adoption and love for the gospel. Over the past 7 days, beginning with Anna giving her $150 puppy fund, we have raised $9,325. No words can express how in awe I am of God's provision. I pray that we are faithful with that provision and continue to work, knowing that it is God who strengthens our hands and lights our path.  We still have a way to go but I sense the peace that God will provide and pray that God is being glorified in our pursuit.




soli Deo gloria.

The Power of a Phone Call.

It was under the shade of this tree that my life changed forever.

A phone call can change your life forever. Yet a phone call can be so simple. What can be as benign as calling my wife on a work break or calling home to remind me what exactly I was dispatched to the store to retrieve. A phone call can be as routine as catching up on the happenings of the week with a friend or calling to order a large pizza with mushrooms and pepperoni.  Of the thousands of ordinary phone calls you receive in a lifetime there are some calls that have the power to change the trajectory of your life forever. Calls that leave you in stunned silence. Phone calls can shake you to your core and cause your world to stop turning. Alexander Graham Bell could have never imagined the power he unleashed when he called Mr. Watson to come see him. I have felt the power of a phone call at 4:00 one quiet Sunday morning as I realized Denise was telling me that her mother had passed away. I felt the air knocked from my lungs as I heard my mother tell me, "Dad has had a heart attack. However, a phone call is not just a grim messenger of tragedy. A phone call has brought me glad tidings of great joy. I will always remember the surreal joy upon hearing that Kayla was returning home to our family.  I remember the words of my father confessing gratitude for his new understanding of God's sovereignty over his life with the words, "I got on my knees and thanked God for my heart attack". A phone call can change your direction, perspective, and outlook in an instant.  The phone call I received on July 10th was one of those calls. It began with a quick text message from my friend Faithful* asking if I had a minute to talk. (*When I refer to a person in this blog I will not be using their actual name but an adjective that I believe describes their essence. Fake names are cold and sterile while adjectives are warm and communicate respect).  Fortunately for me his conversation would grant me a temporary respite from watching my family shop at the outlets. Assuming that he wanted to talk theology or to ask a ministry question, I excused myself to find a quiet place in which to talk. We exchanged pleasantries and he inquired about the status of the adoption. Faithful is a friend who had walked with us through several miscarriages and has been a source of great encouragement toward pursuing adoption for our family and I was happy to share an update. Unfortunately, there was little development in our adoption since the last birth mother changed her mind post-delivery. I shared my frustration that month-after-month had gone by with little new prospects for birth mothers but our desire to adopt had not waned. It was at that moment my life was about to change. He explained that a mutual friend of his was seeking to find a Christian family to place a baby with. One family had already passed on the offer to adopt her baby but Faithful felt that our family would be an ideal place for the baby. I remember hearing these words and thinking to myself here we go again. I looked at Denise and said, "This is very good news." Immediately, I felt that I needed to ask a hundred questions but couldn't think of a single one to ask. I just stood there in the outlet mall parking lot thinking that I cannot allow myself to get too excited about this. With tempered enthusiasm, I expressed our interested in pursuing adoption with this birth mother. Faithful told me that he would pass this on to his friend Grace who would be contacting me shortly with more details about the birth mother. I gave Denise the run down and we agreed that no matter what happened over the next few days and weeks we promised not to let our horses out of the stable. Unfortunately, taming wild stallions is easier said than done. 

Later in the day my phone rang with an unrecognized number which I knew to be Grace. I answered the phone wondering what impact of the next few minutes would have on the rest of my life. She introduced herself and told me the story how she came to know the birth mother, Charity.  Grace already had a burning passion for adoption and the opportunity to walk Charity through the choice of life only fanned those flames. Charity felt that she could not give her baby the life that she wanted him to have due to the season of life she found herself and wanted to find a safe and loving home. She was working with an adoption agency and the families that she already met were simply not the right fit for her. Grace wanted to guide Charity to a Christian family and use this adoption as a chance to share the hope of the gospel. She had developed a special affection for Charity which was evident by how she spoke of her.  I agreed that this sounded like a wonderful opportunity for us to pursue and could not help but wonder if this was the baby that we had been waiting for. I furiously called our social worker and scrambled to update our family's profile (a profile is a 6-8 page summary of pictures, blurbs, and a letter that give a birth mother a picture of what your family is like). Over the next few days calls were made, emails exchanged, and late nights spent wondering what Charity would think of our family.  Our social worker printed our profile and mailed it to Charity in Ohio. The next few days were agony because I probably could have walked it to Ohio faster than the post office delivered it. We received news that she received the profile on Thursday July 26. Five agonizing days passed and we finally received news that Charity, "loved the family's profile and would like to continue her adoption journey by being this family's birth mother". The words couldn't be sweeter. After months of bitter disappointments these words were music to a weary soul. Just a few days ago (Sunday) my heart was heavy with doubt. We second guessed if adoption would become a reality and if we could stomach another year of waiting. Meanwhile, 895 miles away a mother feeling the pressure of the approaching labor, felt the burden lifted knowing that she had finally found the family that would raise her baby. Grace had told us that over the past few months Charity had begun to feel the pressure mounting to find a safe family for her baby. When she saw our profile she wept because she knew that our family was the perfect fit. When our social worker told Charity that she was giving our family a great gift she maturely countered that our family was the greatest gift she could give her baby. It is my prayer that we are faithful to fulfill her wish. By the grace of God we will. The baby is due at the end of August beginning of September. It is only a few short weeks before this elusive dream becomes a reality. There are still a multitude of details to work out. Applications to complete. A home study to renew. A nursery to prepare. The Lord will provide in His perfect timing. Today we rejoice.

My Heart for Adoption

July of 2012 marked the one year anniversary of our adoption journey. A journey that has been an emotional roller-coaster; bringing both euphoria and heart break, laughter and tears. This ever changing spectrum of emotions has only served to strengthen my resolve for adoption and focus my vision of adoption. As an adopted child myself, I have always had a heart for adoption and the desire to pass on the gift of adoption. Yet it always has seemed something that is only on the horizon of my future. However, as I push into my mid-thirties that horizon has become an ever-present reality. In the blink of an eye my children have grown from tri-cycle engines sputtering around the house to effervescent youth experiencing the joy of living. I often wonder where the time has gone. My heart swells with pride as I watch them grow but aches watching the sand of time empty out of the hour-glass of their time in my home. There are few things that bring me as much joy as being a parent. However, the joy of parenthood is not motivation enough to pursue adoption. Nor is it to bring 'wholeness' to our family, though often it does.  The chief end of adoption is to bring glory to God by infusing the gospel into the Christian family. The gospel of Christ that declares a lost sinner a child of God by the mercy and grace of our Heavenly Father. Christian adoption embraces an unknown child with the same love and compassion of a naturally born child. Genuine adoption brings the orphan into a fellowship of unconditional love and grace by virtue of the gospel. The gospel that says that true religion is to care for widows and orphans (James 1:27). The gospel that declares that true righteousness is seen in the pursuit of justice for the fatherless (Isaiah 1:17).  It was the metaphor of adoption that Paul used to demonstrate the process of bringing sinners into full membership in the family of God (Romans 8:14-17; Galatians 4:4-7; Ephesians 1:5). Yet, sadly, I have not always appreciated the richness of this metaphor, even as an adopted child. I often looked at the material blessings and lack of want my parents provided as the role of adoption. Adoption can change the trajectory of a child's life but if it only changes the social status of the child it has missed the mark.  True adoption brings a child into fellowship with their new family but more importantly with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (1 John 1:3). My heart is to bring a child into the love of an earthly family and pray that he grow to know the sweet fellowship with our Heavenly Father. It is my prayer that in this adoption journey that I learn to lead my family toward adoption with that goal in mind. Not to see adoption as an opportunity to once again rock a baby of my own to sleep, to savor the smell of a clean baby immediately after bath time, or to feel the flutter of butterfly kisses from a sleepy toddler. All these are the pen-ultimate goals of adoption. The goal of adoption is to bring a child into my home because that child needs to be shown Jesus. To see Jesus in how I love my wife. To see Jesus in how I deal with my own failure. To see Jesus in how we worship as a family. To see Jesus in how we deal with the circumstances of life.  I pray that one day I can look my child in their eyes and say, "Just like Mommy and Daddy brought you into our family as a child, Jesus brought us into God's family." I pray that when someone asks me why I am pursuing adoption I can say, "I adopt because God has adopted me into the family of God."  I pray that my extended family will see the essence of the gospel when they feel the love for a baby they hold in their arms that came from the womb of another woman. I pray that when people see the metaphor of adoption played out in my family they see the Father of Adoption who sent Christ to accomplish it. It is to this end I strive. I cannot say that the past year has been easy. In fact at times it has been painfully tedious and exhausting. However, I pray that I can one day stand in the congregation of the righteous to declare that God has brought a child into my home. It will be on that day that I will continue to plead that God would adopt my child into the fellowship of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  I pray that as I write these words they will cause my heart to trust the author of adoption when the days are long, the financials overwhelm, and doubt creeps.  May I remember my own adoption journey that declared me a Partyka and my spiritual journey that declared me a child of God so that I do not lose heart.

soli deo gloria