Waiting on The Lord

Two weeks ago, Denise was involved in a special ceremony to honor the young ladies (including Kayla) who have graduated from High School and are moving on to the next chapter of their lives; adulthood. She agonized about what to share but finally it was suggested to her to speak on waiting on The Lord in light of Crosby's adoption and first birthday. This is a message that I especially need to hear and am thankful for the wisdom of my wife and her willingness to share it. This is what she shared...

Thank you for your willingness to be here and receive our encouragement. It is a privilege to share with you one area in my life in which The Lord has worked and moved. I would like to encourage you in waiting on The Lord. You all at one point in your lives,  if you aren't already,  will have to wait on The Lord. It may be for a husband or children or any number of things. The following passage became very familiar to me during a long period of waiting.

Psalm 40:1-5
1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie!
5 You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

 I waited on The Lord for another baby for more than 6 years. While the waiting was difficult and included many moments of doubt,  much confession of sin, heartbreaking loss, many tears and disappointments I wouldn't change one thing about that time in my life. I believe The Lord did one of His greatest works in my heart over those years and I  probably still don't fully understand all that he accomplished.  There really isn't a better place to be than to be waiting on The Lord. God is ultimately drawing you to Himself. He will show you that He is God, that He is good and that He is sovereign. I promise you his timing and wisdom are absolutely perfect. You may find yourself questioning these truths, like I did when in the midst of wanting a baby so desperately found myself in the middle of a baby boom in our church and suffered a very disappointing miscarriage during this same time.  Please be encouraged and know that what God keeps from you is just as much a gift as what He chooses to give you.  When God has you wait and He will , wait faithfully and trust that God does not withhold good from us and our ultimate good is Himself.

Psalm 84:11-1211 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
12 O LORD of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Even when you may question God's wisdom, as I did when we were to bring a baby girl home last May and she went into foster care instead, I would encourage you to look to the cross and the story of your own redemption  because as the scriptures say it is foolishness to the world but it is a complete picture of God's perfect wisdom and goodness to those of us who believe.  As wonderful a gift and blessing that Crosby is, He is not the fulfillment of my period of waiting, it is in fact, Christ himself. During that time God, strengthened my faith, revealed to me the value of his timing and providence and Christ became all the more precious. It was the following verses that came to mind when I   first held Crosby and looked into his little face.

20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,
21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen   These verses never rang truer than on that day. When you wait, wait faithfully, look to scripture, cling to hope in Christ and surround yourself with those who will encourage you to do these things.

Me being able to share my experience and heart  with you tonight is just another sweet blessing resulting from my time of waiting on The Lord, thank you. 

The Significance of the Moment

 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:14-21 ESV)

There are times in our lives we must stop and appreciate the significance of a moment. A significance that can be lost in the routine of everyday life. As human beings, our hearts long for what is just beyond our reach or what lays beyond the distant horizon. In looking ahead we fail to appreciate the value of what our hands presently grasp and the beauty our eyes currently behold. One year ago today a little boy was born in Canton, OH. A little boy whose life has instantly infused a miraculous love and unspeakable joy into a family desperately needing it. It is still almost unbelievable that this little boy is my son. Despite how exhausting the adoption process was, I cannot imagine not having the pleasure of enduring it. A process that was filled with disappointment, hope, heartbreak, determination, and joy. It was like yesterday that I was sitting in a corner booth at Chik-fil-a with Shane Waters who told me, "If money is the only reason for not adopting than it is not a reason." I will never forget my mother-in-law Bonnie Godbold's excitement at the news and her encouragement that any child of any color would be blessed to be apart of our family because, "in a Christian home that doesn't matter." The sweet words of encouragement that our social worker, Amber Marshall, when another adoption disappointment broke our hearts is still a balm to our soul. I am humbled that Matt Russell would think of our family when he found out that a baby needed to be adopted.  I still recollect holding my breath with every incoming text from Michele McKee giving me updates from our birth mother.  I am humbled by friends like Scott & Sarah Brown and Shane & Ashlie Waters who sat in our dining room strategizing how we could ever raise $17,000 in less than 45 days. I am still humbled by the outpouring of love we received  from our family and friends as we overwhelmed the Roosevelt Chik-fil-a on a hot August night to raise adoption funds. We were not worthy of the generosity of people who donated their creativity, time, love, and money to bring Crosby home. I would be remiss if I did not mention our indebtedness to the Ingram family who shared their sweet home with us while we were refugees in Ohio. No words can express what gratitude we have for Denise's Dad who embraced and supported our dream of adoption. We know that it is bittersweet for him especially because of how much Mom would have loved Crosby. Though she is not here in body we know that her spirit dwells in our love for Crosby and the stories we tell him of his Nana's life and love. It was also through this process that I gained a new appreciation for my own adoption and what my parents endured in order to give me a home.

They are so many people to thank...the Frasers, Moores, Roberts, Julie Paisley, and so many more. However, the person I must give the most thanks is to my sweet wife Denise. It was not always her dream to adopt. The uncertainties of the adoption journey brought her many sleepless nights and feelings of inadequacies of what the future held. Thank you for following me and most ultimately trusting the Lord. I never doubted that you were strong enough and I know that you are just the mother Crosby needs.

There are two times in my life that I have seen you glow with such a radiance; the day we promised our lives to each other and the first time you held Crosby. Thank you for joining me in this journey. We have just begun to see what the Lord has in store for Crosby and our family as a whole. There will be times when the days are long, the diapers stinky, and the fussing unbearable. It is in these times we will yearn to fast forward to the next stage of development. However, it is these times that we must stop and remember what has brought us here. To appreciate the significance of the moment. Countless people who have given of themselves so that we could enjoy celebrations like today. Birthdays where we can hold our chubby baby boy in our arms or plaster his picture throughout various social media are to be cherished and celebrated. 

I always had the conviction that we would adopt. Admittedly, there were times when I had serious doubts. However, I could never have scripted how God would lead us to a birth mother in Ohio, raise $30,000 in funds in 9 days, find a free home to live in for two weeks, and bring us home to Florida safely. I pray that I stop and recognize the significant of the moment with every birthday party, first day of school, and milestone while giving glory to our Heavenly Father who worked it all for his glory. 

Finally, the chief significance of this moment is found within Ephesians 3:14-21. It is with the saints that we comprehend the breadth, length, height, and depth of Christ's love through the adoption of Crosby. He is a living memorial to the love that God has for His children. My heart also resonates with verse 20, "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." I could never fathom how God worked to bring about his glory and I am continually awed by how he did.  

Placing a Child for Adoption

What a profound picture of a birth mother's love seeing the work of God in her adoption, "God was using me to find his family not me choose his family. My baby's family shared him with me, not me sharing him with them." (7:30)

Denise and I love this video because it shows how blessed we were to have a birth mother like Charity. One quote I love from this video is her emphasis that the monthly disappointments and the long wait for choosing a birth mother was because God was waiting to bless the birth mother with the child. She needed their baby to be born to her to help save her from the challenges that she had been facing. Adoption is a wonderful gift for both the birth mother and adoption parents. However, it is often a blessing that is accompanied with tears.

Finalization is complete.

We had a wonderful day! To God be the glory great things He has done.

Our Covenant of Adoption

At 9:00 we will finalize Crosby's adoption at the Seminole County Courthouse. Prayerfully, I will be able to read this statement as a covenant before God and the state of Florida.

Today is the final step in a long journey that has led us to this courtroom today. We have not walked this path alone but have walked together with the love and support of many family and friends while being led by our Good Shepherd Jesus Christ. Crosby was blessed to have a first mother whose courageous love sacrificed her own interests in order to give him the life she could not provide. Today we stand before God, this court, and our family to pledge our unconditional love for Crosby. We covenant to raise him in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and teach him to fear God and love his neighbor as himself. We covet your prayers and look forward to a life of blessings filled with laughter and tears as we enjoy the gift of Crosby James Partyka.

Growing so fast

Crosby is growing like a weed! Started as a 6 lb. feather weight and is now 23+ lbs of baby chunk. 

 

Another view of the tapestry of God's adoption story...

 It is a blessing to see how God works in the lives of his people to accomplish His will. In July of 2012 I received a phone call that changed our lives forever. Ultimately, we met Grace, a mother of five children (four through adoption). At Grace's church they have compiled a list of "Go Stories" that encourage the congregation to respond to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and find opportunities to share the love of Christ. Her story...

When God Says GO
"In early June I found out that a young woman, "Charity," who is part of my extended family, was pregnant and did not want to keep her baby. There was talk of abortion. Two women in my family were helping her to think through her situation. One of those women, my mom, serves in a crisis pregnancy center in GA so quickly gave Charity the names of a few places to go in her hometown. 

Meanwhile I could not stop thinking that I wanted to help her but did not know how she would respond and as far as I knew she did not know that I had been told of the situation. I wanted to help her think through her decision and was pretty sure I could help her find a Christian family for her baby should she choose to adopt. The thought nagged and nagged at me. At this point Charity had decided to give her baby for adoption. I told my mom that if it seemed appropriate she could share my story of giving a son for adoption and let Charity know that I knew of families that would love to adopt her baby.

Not long after I talked to my mom the subject came up with Charity.  She took my number and seemed interested in talking with me.  She called the week of July 4^th.  After talking with her about her decision, people she had met up to that point to consider adopting her baby and telling her about my story she said she wanted me to “introduce” her to families. After we hung up I was overwhelmed with questions. I thought “how do I do this? Who do I ask? What have I done????”  I stopped to pray about it and the name of a CFC pastor and co-laborer in the counseling ministry came to my mind.  I emailed him about the situation and my thoughts of how to proceed.  I wanted his wisdom.  He emailed back to say he would help me with something I had in mind and casually mentioned a couple he was friends with that were trying to adopt.  After a few more conversations about the situation he again mentioned the couple he knew in case I wanted to talk to them. 

I prayed about it and talked with my husband. We decided to contact this couple so I let him know. He contacted them and they were very interested so I called them. We sent the couple's profile to Charity on July 26th, and she immediately told me she really liked them.  She said she had a really good feeling about them and that she was choosing them.  

On Friday Aug. 3 Charity woke one morning not feeling well. She texted to say she may not go to work because she felt yucky.  Later I received a call from my mom saying she was taking Charity to the hospital.  This would be her first time with a medical professional during her pregnancy.  I let the family know she was headed to the hospital.  Turned out to be an easily treated infection but in the process she received some care, was established with a dr. and set her next appt., and an ultrasound showed the baby would be a boy and a due date of Sept 16^th was given. I called the family with the “medical report” and said “do you want to know?”  the answer was yes so I let them know he is a boy. They were relieved that this was not labor as they were in the process of raising money to cover the adoption.

The family had attempted to adopt another baby but it failed to go through and in that process they used up their funds for adoption.  They had a lot of money to raise in a short time. Little did they know how short, but God did, and He provided $30K in 9 days!! The family held a fund raiser, and the response was overwhelming.

On Monday Aug. 20, at 12:53 am, we received a call from Charity saying she was on her way to the hospital to have the baby. She wanted me to tell the family. A text with a photo arrived at 5:22 am -a photo of a precious baby boy. Now the family had to scramble because he arrived, in God’s perfect timing, 3.5 weeks earlier than expected. They were together and in the car by noon that day. 
Charity gave her son a name because she did not want him to go for a couple days in the hospital without a name.  Later that day the family called from SC, on their way to OH, to give an update on their progress and then ask if I had told Charity what they planned to name the baby. I said “no”. They wondered because they had learned that Charity named him the same middle name they chose! 

The couple arrived and were nervous about meeting Charity and having her blessing to proceed with adopting. They had two previous adoptions fall through because the moms changed their minds. 
At this point I want to say that Charity listed herself as an atheist on her paperwork and the family listed themselves as Christian and their profile, which Charity loved, was very Christian. Charity was excited that her baby would be in a loving home with other kids. The couple had sent Charity flowers the day of the birth and had put together a basket for her and one for her 2-year-old son.  Both baskets had Bibles in them. The next text said they were there, and I continued praying.  Later I got a text from the couple saying “it could not have gone better.”  But the most amazing thing was a later text from Charity that said “I really cannot thank you enough.” I texted back that she is a hero in my mind.

I then called Charity and she gushed with excitement and gratitude she really loved this couple and said when the “mom” picked up the baby she looked so natural with him, “it was perfect” she said.  In all the conversations I had with her up to this point I had never heard that kind of joy, peace and gratitude. God was truly glorified in all these moments. 

The next day a text came saying the couple had spent time with Charity and read Romans 8 to her.  My mom later told me that Charity told her about the Bible reading and how God adopts children into His family.  Reports of time spent in the hospital room laughing and crying were heartwarming and it seemed the couple spent as much, if not more, time loving on Charity than they did the baby. The kind of love poured on her was very impactful. I don’t think she has ever experienced the love of God that is in Christ Jesus before and she seems very taken by it.  She was amazed at reports of people all over the world praying for her (because of the family’s blog) and her baby, fund raising efforts, and people she would probably never know loving her and her baby. 

Today, Aug. 23, 2012, she signed away her rights and the family is officially the parents of a baby boy that God had determined from the beginning of time would be their son!  

Psalm 139:15-16  
My continued prayer is that God would use the love lavished on her to glorify Himself and draw Charity unto Himself through Jesus.  I spoke to Charity yesterday and before we hung up I said “I love you” to which she replied “I love you too”.  This is remarkable due to all the previous conversations which have been down, hard and focused on the negative things going on in her life. God continues to grow my awe of Him. 

What a privilege to go when He says to go!"

Ephesians 1:3-6: Predestined for Adoption

Over the past month I have been given the privilege of preaching through the doctrine of biblical adoption. This doctrine is very dear to my heart but also a fundamental doctrine of the Christian faith. So much so that John Stott calls it the "highest blessing of the Christian faith". He says, "If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God’s child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and his whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all. Our understanding of Christianity cannot be better than our grasp of adoption." (Knowing God p. 201)

Sermon Link: Ephesians 1:3-6

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved."

Charity's Love

It has been nearly five months since Denise and I took the long awaited journey to Ohio to be introduced to our son Crosby. When we started our journey two years ago every day that passed without a baby seemed like an eternity. We would watch every month for an update concerning potential birth mothers and would calculate the approximate time that the birth mother may be choosing a family. For twelve long months our profile was passed over or would fall to second place behind the birth mother's perfect family. The time between each new birth mother seemed longer and longer and the birth mothers seemed fewer and fewer. Yet one day a simple phone call kick started our life into motion. It sent the agony of slow motion into the blur of fast forward. Weeks went by like hours and the months like days. Our tiny sleepy 6 pound infant boy has transformed into a plump 16 pound smiling baby boy. The family has settled into the comfort of a schedule and the security of a routine. However, it is so easy to allow the ordinary routine of life to cause us to forget the extraordinary things that God has ordained. This could not have been more evident to me than it has this past week. On August 21st, Denise and I were 50 miles outside of Canton when I received a phone call from a dear college friend. He was calling us to inquire if we would know of a Christian family who would be able to adopt a baby who was scheduled to be born later that day. Unable to convince Denise that we in fact should adopt the baby, I called a member of our congregation who was struggling with infertility. The call was guided by the hand of Providence because he informed me that just the prior days he and his wife had decided to fore go fertility treatments and adopt. Over the course of the next few days they scrambled to prepare for this child but this was not to be their child. However, today they are but a few hours away from adopting a child of their own. Denise and I have had the privileged to walk with them through the journey of adoption. Each adoption case is unique and they have had their fair share of trials and tribulations. However, as I have spoke with them I have been struck with how blessed Denise and I were to be directed to our birth mother, Charity. Every birth mother is different. Some have motivations of love for their child while others have much less virtuous intentions for choosing adoption. Some struggle with whether or not they will be able to go through with their plan while others hold unwavering to their conviction that adoption is the only option. With all the birth mothers that we could have had we were blessed with Charity, a sweet, sensible, and selfless birth mother.  I have often attempted to consider the depth of faith that it took Charity to trust her baby to our family. I know that I would never be courageousness enough to admit that I could not care for the child and place him up for adoption. As I have considered her strength, I was reminded of the great love chapter of 1 Corinthians 13. It is in the KJV that declares that if I"...have not charity, I am nothing." In this act of finding a home for Crosby she was personifying what true love is. Paul teaches in 13:7 "[Charity] Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." In choosing adoption for Crosby she was bearing the burden of a broken heart, believing that Denise and I would love him as our own (as she would love him). She had the confidence assurance of hope that he was being cared for by parents who love him and love each other. Charity endured all the difficult things of pregnancy and delivery, the scorn of judgment, insensitive questions, and the unimaginable pain of saying goodbye to her baby in order to give him life . That is pure love. She did not receive accolades or financial gain.  She made hard sacrifices of time, energy, and emotions. All so that her baby could have a mother and father to love him the way she was unable to love him. She was unable to give him the life that she felt he deserved but she was able to give him the love that he deserved. The love of an adopted mother and father made possible by the love of a birth mother. She personified self sacrificial love so her baby could experience the life that she envisioned for him. I will never know the depth of love that it took for her to find Denise and me but I am indebted to her forever. Every time I hold him in my arms it is because she is not holding him. Crosby will grow up in my home, eat at my table, and run around our back yard because she did not bring him to her own home. That is sacrifice. That is selflessness. That is love. That is amazing! Charity holds a special place in our family. Though we only spent a few hours together over the course of three days I feel like she is apart of me. I am reminded of the love she gave when I see the slight red hue of Crosby's fuzzy hair that matches her own auburn hair. He will forever have gentle reminders of the love that our family was given by her sacrificial love. Most of all, I will praise my Lord and Saviour for sovereignly putting all the puzzle pieces together even when the journey was a difficult one. It was our loving Heavenly Father who was working to find us the right birth mother and to bring us the reward of a perfect baby boy. I am every grateful that He did. To God alone be the glory forever and ever. Amen.